| |
To Mrs. Ole Bull
Prabuddha Bharata Office
Advaita Ashrama
Mayavati (via Almora)
Kumaon, Himalayas,
6th January, 1901
My dear Mother,
I send you forthwith a translation of the Nasadiya Hymn sent by Dr. Bose through you. I have tried to make it as literal as possible.
I hope Dr. Bose has recovered his health perfectly by this time.
Mrs. Sevier is a strong woman, and has borne her loss quietly and bravely. She is coming over to England in April, and I am going over with her.
I ought to come to England as early as I can this summer; and as she must go to attend to her husband's affairs, I accompany her.
This place is very, very beautiful, and they have made it simply exquisite. It is a huge place several acres in area, and is very well kept. I hope Mrs. Sevier will be in a position to keep it up in the future. She wishes it ever so much, of course.
My last letter from Joe informed me that she was going up the . . . with Mme Calve.I am very glad to learn that Margot is leaving her lore for future use. Her book has been very much appreciated here, but the publishers do not seem to make any effort at sale.
The first day's touch of Calcutta brought the asthma back; and every night I used to get a fit during the two weeks I was there. I am, however, very well in the Himalayas.
It is snowing heavily here, and I was caught in a blizzard on the way; but it is not very cold, and all this exposure to the snows for two days on my way here seems to have done me a world of good.
Today I walked over the snow uphill about a mile, seeing Mrs. Sevier's lands; she has made beautiful roads all over. Plenty of gardens, fields, orchards, and large forests, all in her land. The living houses are so simple, so clean, and so pretty, and above all so suited for the purpose.
Are you going to America soon? If not, I hope to see you in London in three months.
Kindly give my best wishes to Miss Olcock and kindly convey my undying love to Miss Muller the next time you see her; so to Sturdy. I have seen my mother, my cousin, and all my people in Calcutta.Kindly send the remittance you send my cousin to me--in my name so that I shall cash the cheque and give her the money. Saradananda and Brahmananda and the rest were well in the Math when I last left them.
All here send love.
Ever your loving son,
Vivekananda
PS. Kali has taken two sacrifices; the cause has already two European martyrs. Now, it is going to rise up splendidly.
My love to Alberta and Mrs. Vaughan.
The snow is lying all round six inches deep, the sun is bright and glorious, and now in the middle of the day we are sitting outside, reading. And the snow all about us! The winter here is very mild in spite of the snow. The air is dry and balmy, and the water beyond all praise.
To Mr. E. T. Sturdy
MAYAVATI,
HIMALAYAS,
15th January, 1901.
MY DEAR STURDY,
I learn from Saradananda that you have sent over Rs. 1,529-5-5 to the Math, being the money that was in hand for work in England. I am sure it will be rightly used.
Capt. Sevier passed away about three months ago. They have made a fine place here in the mountains and Mrs. Sevier means to keep it up. I am on a visit to her, and I may possibly come over to England with her.
I wrote you a letter from Paris. I am afraid you did not get it.
So sorry to learn the passing away of Mrs. Sturdy. She has been a very good wife and good mother, and it is not ordinarily one meets with such in this life.
This life is full of shocks, but the effects pass away anyhow, that is the hope.
It is not because of your free expression of opinion in your last letter to me that I stopped writing. I only let the wave pass, as is my wont. Letters would only have made a wave of a little bubble.
Kindly tender my regards and love to Mrs. Johnson and other friends if you meet them.
And I am ever yours in the Truth,
VIVEKANANDA
To Mrs. Ole Bull
The Math, Belur,
Howrah Dist.,
Bengal,
26th January, 1901
My dear Mother,
Many thanks for your very encouraging words. I needed them very much just now. The gloom has not lifted with the advent of the new century, it is visibly thickening. I went to see Mrs. Sevier at Mayavati. On my way I learnt of the sudden death of the Raja of Khetri. It appears he was restoring some old architectural monument at Agra, at his own expense, and was up some tower on inspection. Part of the tower came down, and he was instantly killed.
The three cheques have arrived. They will reach my cousin when next I see her.
Joe is here, but I have not seen her yet.
The moment I touch Bengal, especially the Math, the asthmatic fits return! The moment I leave, I recover!
I am going to take my mother on pilgrimage next week. It may take months to make the complete round of pilgrimages. This is the one great wish of a Hindu widow. I have brought only misery to my people all my life. I am trying at least to fulfil this one wish of hers.
I am so glad to learn all that about Margot; everybody here is eager to welcome her back.
I hope Dr. Bose has completely recovered by this time.
I had a beautiful letter also from Mrs. Hammond. She is a great soul. However, I am very calm and self-possessed this time and find everything better than I ever expected.
With all love.
Ever your son,
Vivekananda
To Mrs. Ole Bull
The Math, Belur,
Howrah Dist.,
Bengal,
2nd February, 1901
My dear Mother,
Several days ago I received your letter and a cheque of Rs. 150 included. I will tear up this one, as the three previous cheques I have handed over to my cousin.
Joe is here, and I have seen her twice; she is busy visiting. Mrs. Sevier is expected here soon--en route to England. I expected to go to England with her, but as it now turns out, I must go on a long pilgrimage with my mother.
My health suffers the moment I touch Bengal; anyhow, I don't much mind it now; I am going on well and so do things about me.
Glad to learn about Margot's success, but, says Joe, it is not financially paying; there is the rub. Mere continuance is of little value, and it is a far cry from London to Calcutta. Well, Mother knows. Everybody is praising Margot's Kali the Mother ; but alas! they can't get a book to buy; the booksellers are too indifferent to promote the sale of the book.
That this new century may find you and yours in splendid health and equipment for a yet greater future is and always has been the prayer of your son
Vivekananda
To Josephine MacLeod
BELUR MATH,
DIST. HOWRAH,
14th February, 1901.
MY DEAR JOE,
I am ever so glad to hear that Bois is coming to Calcutta. Send him immediately to the Math. I will be here. If possible I will keep him here for a few days and then let him go again to Nepal.
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA
To Josephine MacLeod
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH, BENGAL,
17th February, 1901.
DEAR JOE,
Just now received your nice long letter. I am so glad that you met and approve Miss Cornelia Sorabji. I knew her father at Poona, also a younger sister who was in America. Perhaps her mother will remember me as the Sannyasin who used to live with the Thakore Sahib of Limbdi at Poona.
I hope you will go to Baroda and see the Maharani.
I am much better and hope to continue so for some time. I have just now a beautiful letter from Mrs. Sevier in which she writes a whole lot of beautiful things about you.
I am so glad you saw Mr. Tata and find him so strong and good.
I will of course accept an invitation if I am strong enough to go to Bombay.
Do wire the name of the steamer you leave by for Colombo. With all love,
Yours affectionately,
VIVEKANANDA.
To Mrs. Ole Bull (in London)
Dacca,
20 March 1901.
My dear Mother,
At last I am in Eastern Bengal. This is the first time I am here, and never before knew Bengal was so beautiful. You ought to have seen the rivers here--regular rolling oceans of fresh water, and everything so green--continual production. The villages are the cleanest and prettiest in all India.
Joe [Miss Josephine MacLeod] is perhaps by this time in Japan. I received a long and beautiful letter from Margot. Tell Margot that there has been of late a regular fall of fortune on the Kashmir Raja; things are all changing to his benefit. Mr. Mookherjey is now Governor of Kashmir. Saradananda had a bad fever. He is well now, but weak. He possibly goes to Darjeeling for a change. Mrs. [M. N.] Banerjey, who is at Calcutta, is very anxious to take him to the hills. Mohin [Mahendranath Datta], my brother, is in India, in Karachi near Bombay, and he corresponds with Saradananda. He writes to say he is going to Burma, China, etc. The traders who lure him have shops in all those places. I am not at all anxious about him. He is a very selfish man.
I have no news from Detroit. I received one letter from Christina nine months ago, but I did not reply. Perhaps that may have vexed her.
I am peaceful and calm--and am finding every day the old begging and trudging life is the best for me after all.
Mrs. Sevier I left at Belur. She is the guest of Mrs. Banerjey, who has rented Nilambar Mookherjey's house on the river (the old Math). She goes very soon to Europe.
Things are going on, as is in the nature of things. To me has come resignation.
With all love,
Ever your Son,
Vivekananda.
PS--All blessings on Margot's work. Mother is leading, I am sure.
V.
To Mrs. Ole Bull
DACCA,
29th March, 1901.
MY DEAR MOTHER,
By this time you must have received my other note from Dacca. Saradananda has been suffering badly from fever in Calcutta, which has become simply a hell of demons this year. He has recovered and is now in the Math which, thank God, is one of the healthiest places in our Bengal.
I do not know what conversation took place between you and my mother; I was not present. I suppose it was only an eager desire on her part to see Margot, nothing else.
My advice to Margot would be to mature her plans in England and work them out a good length before she comes back. Good solid work must wait.
Saradananda expects to go to Darjeeling to Mrs. Banerji, who has been in Calcutta for a few days, as soon as he is strong enough.
I have no news yet of Joe from Japan. Mrs. Sevier expects to sail soon. My mother, aunt, and cousin came over five days ago to Dacca, as there was a great sacred bath in the Brahmaputra river. Whenever a particular conjunction of planets takes place, which is very rare, a huge concourse of people gather on the river on a particular spot. This year there has been more than a hundred thousand people; for miles the river was covered with boats.
The river, though nearly a mile broad at the place, was one mass of mud! But it was firm enough, so we had our bath and Pujâ (worship), and all that.
I am rather enjoying Dacca. I am going to take my mother and the other ladies to Chandranath, a holy place at the easternmost corner of Bengal.
I am rather well and hope you and your daughter and Margot are also enjoying splendid health.
With everlasting love,
Ever your son,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. My cousin and mother send you and Margot their love.
PS. I do not know the date.
V.
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Howrah Dist., Bengal,
[April 4, 1901]
Dear Christine,
The subsequent proceedings have been so much interesting; and the interest has been growing so rapidly of late, that one could scarcely utter a word. 164
I am glad to learn of Mrs. [Ole] Bull's sweet letter to you; she is an angel. You are peaceful and happy--good. I am growing towards it too.
I am en route to Chandranath on pilgrimage.
I have been anxiously awaiting a letter from you, and it seemed it would never come.
I am sure to be happy--can't help thinking so. After so much struggle, the result must come. Things take their own course; it is I who am to brighten up, I find. And I am trying my best. And you can help me by writing nice letters now and then; will you?
Margot [Sister Nivedita] is doing splendid work in England with Mrs. Bull's backing. Things are going on nicely.
I am sleeping better and the general health is not bad.
With everlasting love and blessings,
Vivekananda.
P.S. Please enquire of Miss [Sarah Ellen] Waldo about the publication of Karma and Jnana Yogas and write.
To Sister Nivedita
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH DISTRICT, BENGAL,
4 April 1901.
DEAR MARGOT,
A letter came just now from Mr. R. Dutt [Ramesh Dutta] praising you and your work in England very much and asking me to wish you to stop longer in England.
It requires no imagination to learn that I am overjoyed at all the news about you Mr. Dutt so kindly sends.
Of course, you stay as long as you think you are working well. Yum [Miss Josephine MacLeod] had some talk about you with Mother [Holy Mother, Sarada Devi], and she desired you to come over. Of course, it was only her love and anxiety to see you — that was all; but poor Yum has been much too serious for once, and hence all these letters. However, I am glad it should happen, as I learnt so much about your work from Mr. Dutt, who can't be accused of a relative's blind love.
I have written to Mrs. Bull already about this matter. I am now at last in Dacca and had some lectures here. I depart for Chandranath tomorrow, near Chittagong, the farthest eastern extremity of Bengal. My Mother, aunt, cousin, another cousin's widow, and nine boys are with me. They all send you love.
I had just now a few lines from Mrs. Bull, also a letter from Mr. Sturdy. As it would be almost impossible for me to write for some days now, I ask you to thank Mrs. Bull for me for her letter, and tell her kindly that I have just now a long letter from Miss [Christina] Greenstidel of Detroit. She mentions a beautiful letter from Mrs. Bull. Sturdy writes about the publication of any further edition of Raja-Yoga by Longmans. I leave that consideration with Mrs. Bull. She may talk over the matter with Sturdy and do what she thinks proper.
Please give Sturdy my best love, and tell him I am on the march and will take time to reply to his letter; in the meanwhile the business will be looked after by Mrs. Bull.
With everlasting love and blessings,
VIVEKANANDA.
To Ramesh Chandra Dutta
THE MATH, P.O. BELUR,
DIST. HOWRAH, BENGAL,
4 April 1901.
DEAR SIR,
I am so very glad to learn from a person of your authority of the good work Sister Nivedita is doing in England. I join in earnest prayer with the hopes you entertain of her future services to India by her pen.
I have not the least desire that she should leave her present field of utility and come over to India.
I am under a deep debt of gratitude to you, Sir, for your befriending my child, and hope you will never cease to advise her as to the length of her stay in England and the line of work she ought to undertake.
Her book on Kâli has been very popular in India. The debt our Motherland already owes you is immense, and we are anxiously awaiting the new book of yours.
May all blessings ever attend you and yours is the constant prayer of —
Yours humbly,
VIVEKANANDA.
Letter of Introduction
GAUHATI
April 17, 1901
I have great pleasure in certifying the great amiability and helpfulness of the brothers Shivakanta and Lakshmikanta, Pandas of Shri Kamakhya Peetham.
They are men who help most and are satisfied with the least.
I can unhesitatingly recommend them to the Hindu public visiting this most holy shrine.
SWAMI VIVEKANANDA
To Mrs. Ole Bull
The Math, Belur
13 May 1901
Dear Mother,
I reached Calcutta yesterday. This morning arrived your letter containing three cheques for my cousin. They shall reach her regularly.
I have not had any letter from Joe [Miss Josephine MacLeod] from Japan, but several I find awaiting me from on board steamer. She also sends me a newspaper cutting to be sent to Professor Geddes. I enclose it in this letter and expect you to direct it to Prof. Geddes.
Saradananda has been three weeks in Darjeeling, where he has improved greatly. I wish he will remain some time longer there. Mr. Bannerjy is the kindest of hosts.
Mrs. Sevier is in London at 2, Maisemore Mansions, Canfield Gardens, London, N.W.
You are right: my experiences are bringing about calmness --great calmness.
Mrs. Patterson and children are off to Europe. General [C. B. Patterson] is alone and very desirous that I would call. I will the next time I go to town.
My cousin and mother and the rest send love, and my eternal love you know always.
Ever your son,
Vivekananda
P.S. All love and blessings for Margot [Sister Nivedita].
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Howrah Dist., Bengal,
13th May 1901.
Dear Christine,
I arrived in the Math yesterday. This morning came your short note. You must have got my letters by this time, and [I] hope this will give you a taste of how sometimes silence is gold.
I have beautiful letters from everywhere this morning and am quite happy. I paid a long visit of two months to Assam and different parts of eastern Bengal. For combined mountain and water scenery, this part of the country is unrivalled.
Either I am to go to Europe this summer, and thence to the U.S., or you come over to India--things are all getting ready to that end. Mother knows Her ways. For one thing, I am calm, very calm, and hope to keep a hold on this state for a long time; and you are my best help to keep this poise, are you not? I will write more in my next; just now these few lines--and a hundred pardons I beg for their scantiness. Yet silence tells more sometimes than all the speech in the world.
With all love and blessings,
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda.
To Swami Swarupananda
THE MATH,
15th May, 1901.
MY DEAR SWARUP,
Your letter from Naini Tal is quite exciting. I have just returned from my tour through East Bengal and Assam. As usual I am quite tired and broken down.
If some real good comes out of a visit to H. H. of Baroda I am ready to come over, otherwise I don't want to undergo the expense and exertion of the long journey Think it well over and make inquiries, and write me if you still think it would be best for the Cause for me to come to see H. H. . . .
Yours with love and blessings,
VIVEKANANDA
To Mary Hale
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH DIST.,
BENGAL, INDIA,
18th May, 1901.
MY DEAR MARY,
Sometimes it is hard work to be tied to the shoestrings of a great name. And that was just what happened to my letter. You wrote on the 22nd January, 1901. You tied me to the latchet of a great name, Miss MacLeod. Consequently the letter has been following her up and down the world. Now it reached me yesterday from Japan, where Miss MacLeod is at present. Well, this, therefore, is the solution of the sphinx's riddle. "Thou shalt not join a great name with a small one."
So, Mary, you have been enjoying Florence and Italy, and I do not know where you be by this time. So, fat old "laidy", I throw this letter to the mercy of Monroe & Co., 7 rue Scribe.
Now, old "laidy" — so you have been dreaming away in Florence and the Italian lakes. Good; your poet objects to its being empty though.
Well, devoted sister, how about myself ? I came to India last fall, suffered all through winter, and went this summer touring through Eastern Bengal and Assam — through a land of giant rivers and hills and malaria — and after hard work of two months had a collapse, and am now back to Calcutta slowly recovering from the effects of it.
The Raja of Khetri died from a fall a few months ago. So you see things are all gloomy with me just now, and my own health is wretched. Yet I am sure to bob up soon and am waiting for the next turn.
I wish I were in Europe, just to have a long chat with you, and then return as quick to India; for, after all, I feel a sort of quiet nowadays, and have done with three-fourths of my restlessness.
My love to Harriet Woolley, to Isabel, to Harriet McKindley; and to mother my eternal love and gratitude. Tell mother, the subtle Hindu's gratitude runs through generations.
Ever yours in the Lord,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. Write a line when you feel like it.
V.
To Mrs. Alice (Shanti) Hansbrough
The Math
Howrah Dist.,
Bengal, India
3rd June 1901
Dear Mrs. Hansbrough--
The contribution of six pounds and three shillings to the Math by the Los Angeles club has duly reached. Swami Brahmananda will write to you a separate acknowledgement. But as I happen to be here just now and have not had long any direct communication with you, I feel like having a chat with you as of yore, even though it be through the post. Now how are you and the Baby and the holy Trinity and the oldest who brings up the rear?
How are all our Los Angeles friends? Poor Mrs. [Emeline F.] Bowler, I hear, has passed away. She was an angel. Where is Miss Strickney? Please tender her my sincerest love, gratitude and prayers when you meet her next.
How are all the San Francisco friends? How is our Madam 165 --the noble, the unselfish? What is she doing now? Quietly gone back to her Home of Truth work?
Are you pleased with uriyananda and his work? Is the [Shanti] Ashrama progressing?
With everlasting love and blessings,
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda
To Swami Ramakrishnananda
MATH, BELUR,
DIST., HOWRAH,
3rd June, 1901.
MY DEAR SHASHI,
Reading your letter I felt like laughing, and also rather sorry. The cause of the laughter is that you had a dream through indigestion and made yourself miserable, taking it to be real. The cause of my sorrow is that it is clear from this that your health is not good, and that your nerves require rest very badly.
Never have I laid a curse on you, and why should I do so now? All your life you have known my love for you, and today are you doubting it? True, my temper was ever bad, and nowadays owing to illness it occasionally becomes terrible — but know this for certain that my love can never cease.
My health nowadays is becoming a little better. Have the rains started in Madras? When the rains begin a little in the South, I may go to Madras via Bombay and Poona. With the onset of the rains the terrible heat of the South will perhaps subside.
My great love to you and all others. Yesterday Sharat returned to the Math from Darjeeling — his health is much better than it was before. I have come here after a tour of East Bengal and Assam. All work has its ups and downs, its periods of intensity and slackness. Again it will rise up. What fear? . . . .
Whatever that may be, I say that you stop your work for some time and come straight back to the Math. After you have taken a month's rest here, you and I together will make a grand tour via Gujarat, Bombay, Poona, Hyderabad, Mysore to Madras. Would not that be grand? If you cannot do this, stop your lectures in Madras for a month. Take a little good food and sleep well. Within two or three months I shall go there. In any case, reply immediately as to what you decide to do.
Yours with blessings,
VIVEKANANDA
To Josephine MacLeod
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH DIST.,
14th June, 1901.
DEAR JOE,
I am so glad you are enjoying Japan — especially Japanese art. You are perfectly correct in saying that we will have to learn many things from Japan. The help that Japan will give us will be with great sympathy and respect, whereas that from the West unsympathetic and destructive. Certainly it is very desirable to establish a connection between India and Japan.
As for me, I was thrown hors de combat in Assam. The climate of the Math is just reviving me a bit. At Shillong — the hill sanatorium of Assam — I had fever, asthma, increase of albumen, and my body swelled to almost twice ills normal size. These symptoms subsided, however, as soon as I reached the Math. It is dreadfully hot this year; but a bit of rain has commenced, and I hope we will soon have the monsoon in full force. I have no plans just now, except that the Bombay Presidency wants me so badly that I think of going there soon. We are thinking of starting touring through Bombay in a week or so.
The 300 dollars you speak of sent by Lady Betty have not reached me yet, nor have I any intimation of its arrival from General Patterson.
He, poor man, was rather miserable, after his wife and children sailed for Europe and asked me to come and see him, but unfortunately I was so ill, and am so afraid of going into the City that I must wait till the rains have set in.
Now, Joe dear, if I am to go to Japan, this time it is necessary that I take Saradananda with me to carry on the work. Also I must have the promised letter to Li Huang Chang from Mr. Maxim; but Mother knows the rest. I am still undecided.
So you went to Alanquinan to see the foreteller? Did he convince you of his powers? What did he say? Write particular s’il vous plait.
Jules Bois went as far as Lahore, being prevented from entering Nepal. I learn from the papers that he could not bear the heat and fell ill; then he took ship et bon voyage. He did not write me a single line since we met in the Math. You also are determined to drag Mrs. Bull down to Japan from Norway all the way — bien, Mademoiselle, vous êtes use puissante magicienne, sans doute. (Well, Miss, you are undoubtedly a powerful magician.). Well, Joe, keep health and spirits up; the Alanquinan man's words come out true most of them; and glorie et honneur await you — and Mukti. The natural ambition of woman is through marriage to climb up, leaning upon a man; but those days are gone. You shall be great without the help of any man, just as you are, plain, dear Joe — our Joe, everlasting Joe. . . .
We have seen enough of this life to care for any of its bubbles have we not Joe? For months I have been practicing to drive away all sentiments; therefore I stop here, and good-bye just now. It is ordained by Mother we work together; it has been already for the good of many; it shall be for the good of many more; so let it be. It is useless planning, useless high flights; Mother will find Her own way; . . . rest assured.
Ever yours with love and heart's blessings,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. Just now came a cheque for Rs. 300 from Mr. Okakura, and the invitation. It is very tempting, but Mother knows all the same.
V
To Josephine MacLeod
THE MATH, BELUR,
18th June, 1901.
DEAR JOE,
I enclose with yours an acknowledgement of Mr. Okakura's money — of course I am up to all your tricks.
However, I am really trying to come, but you know — one month to go — one to come — and a few days' stay! Never mind, I am trying my best. Only my terribly poor health, some legal affairs, etc., etc., may make a little delay.
With everlasting love,
VIVEKANANDA
To Mr. Okakura Kakuzo
THE MATH, BELUR
HOWRAH DIS.
BENGAL, INDIA
18th June 1901
DEAR FRIEND —
Allow me to call you a friend. We must have been such in some past birth. Your cheque for 300 rupees duly reached and many thanks for the same.
I am just thinking of going to Japan, but with one thing or another and my precarious health, I cannot expedite matters as I wish.
Japan to me is a dream — so beautiful that it haunts one all his life.
With all love and blessings,
VIVEKANANDA
Kakudzo [Kakuzo] Okakura Esq.
Tokyo, Japan
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal, India,
[End of June 1901]
Dear Christina,
Your very welcome letter just reached. A few days ago a precious little bit of poem also reached. I wish it ever so much you were the writer thereof. Anyhow, most of us feel, though unable to express; and then, "There are thoughts that lie too deep for tears". Regularity in anything is not in my line of life, but that need not make you irregular. I pray you to drop a few lines every now and then. Of course, when I am not in this body, I am sure the news will reach you, and then you will have to stop writing.
Miss MacLeod wishes me to join her in Japan, but I am not sure. Most probably I am not going, especially as I expect both her and Mrs. Ole Bull in India, in November. Two whole months consumed in coming and going; only one month's stay in Japan--that does not pay, I am afraid.Say,
I am getting enormously fat about the middle--alas!
Mrs. [Charlotte] Sevier, who is now in England, returns in a few months to India. She has invited Mrs. Bull etc. to be her guests in the Himalayas. I wish they could be there during summer.
I have manfully borne the terrific heat of my country in the plains, and now I am facing the deluging rains of my country. Do you know how I am taking rest? I have got a few goats and sheep and cows and dogs and cranes! And I am taking care of them the whole day! It is not trying to be happy; what for? Why should one not be unhappy as well--both being nonsense?--but just to kill time.
Do you correspond with Mrs. Bull or Nivedita?
Don't worry, don't be anxious; for me the "Mother" is my protection and refuge; and everything must come round soon, better than my fondest dreams can paint.
With all love,
Vivekananda.
To Mary Hale
THE MATH,
5th July, 1901.
MY DEAR MARY,
I am very thankful for your very long and nice letter, especially as I needed just such a one to cheer me up a bit. My health has been and is very bad. I recover for a few days only; then comes the inevitable collapse. Well, this is the nature of the disease anyway.
I have been touring of late in Eastern Bengal and Assam. Assam is, next to Kashmir, the most beautiful country in India, but very unhealthy. The huge Brahmaputra winding in and out of mountains and hills, studded with islands, is of course worth one's while to see.
My country is, as you know, the land of waters. But never did I realise before what that meant. The rivers of East Bengal are oceans of rolling fresh water, not rivers, and so long that steamers work on them for weeks. Miss MacLeod is in Japan. She is of course charmed with the country and asked me to come over, but my health not permitting such a long voyage, I desisted. I have seen Japan before.
So you are enjoying Venice. The old man must be delicious; only Venice was the home of old Shylock, was it not?
Sam is with you this year — I am so glad! He must be enjoying the good things of Europe after his dreary experience in the North. I have not made any interesting friends of late, and the old ones that you knew of, have nearly all passed away, even the Raja of Khetri. He died of a fall from a high tower at Secundra, the tomb of Emperor Akbar. He was repairing this old grand piece of architecture at his own expense at Agra, and one day while on inspection, he missed his footing, and it was a sheer fall of several hundred feet. Thus we sometimes come to grief on account of our zeal for antiquity. Take care, Mary, don't be too zealous for your piece of Indian antiquity.
In the Mission Seal, the snake represents mysticism; the sun knowledge; the worked up waters activity; the lotus love; the swan the soul in the midst of all.
With love to Sam and to mother,
Ever with love,
VIVEKANANDA.
PS. My letter had to be short; I am out of sorts all the time; it is the body!
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur
6th July, 1901
Dear Christine,
Things come to me by fits--today I am in a fit of writing. The first thing to do is, therefore, to pen a few lines to you. I am known to be nervous, I worry much; but it seems, dear Christine, you are not far behind in that trick. One of our poets says, "Even the mountains will fly, the fire will be cold, yet the heart of the great will never change." I am small, very, but I know you are great, and my faith is always in your true heart. I worry about everything except you. I have dedicated you to the Mother. She is your shield, your guide. No harm can reach you--nothing hold you down a minute. I know it.
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda
To Sister Christine
THE MATH, BELUR,
DIST. HOWRAH, BENGAL,
6th August 1901.
Letters are sometimes, dear Christina, like mercy — good to the one that sends and the other that receives.
I am so happy that you are calm and resigned as ever. You are ever that. "Mother knows", indeed; only I know that "Mother" not only knows, but does — and is going to do something very fine for me in the near future. What do you think will be very good for me on earth? Silver? Gold? Pooh! I have got something infinitely better; but a little gold will not be amiss to keep my jewel in proper surroundings, and it is coming, don't you think so?
I am a man who frets much, but waits all the same; and the apple comes to my mouth by itself. So, it is coming, coming, coming.
Now, how are you? Growing ever thinner, thinner, thinner, eh? Do have a very good appetite and good sleep in anticipation of the coming good time — to be in trim for welcoming its advent.
How did the heat feel this year? We read all sorts of horrible stories about American heat waves. You have beaten the world's records, even in heat — that's Yankee push, surely.
Well, you are right as about taste: I renounce the yellow of gold and the white of silver, but stick to amber always — that is to my taste.
Amber and corals I always hated; but of late I am awakening to their beauty. One learns as he lives, is it not?
I am going to Darjeeling tomorrow for a few days and will write to you from there. Now gute Nacht [good night] and au revoir [good-bye] for the present.
Ever yours truly,
VIVEKANANDA.
To Mary Hale
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH DIST., BENGAL,
27th August, 1901.
MY DEAR MARY,
I would that my health were what you expected — at least to write you a long letter. It is getting worse, in fact, every day, and so many complications and botherations without that. I have ceased to notice it at all.
I wish you all joy in your lovely Swiss chalet — splendid health, good appetite, and a light study of Swiss or other antiquities just to liven things up a bit. I am so glad you are breathing the free air of the mountains, but sorry that Sam is not in the best of health. Well, there is no anxiety about it, he has naturally such a fine physique. . . .
"Women's moods and man's luck — the gods themselves do not know, what to speak of man?" My instincts may be very feminine, but what I am exercised with just this moment is, that you get a little bit of manliness about you. Oh! Mary, your brain, health, beauty, everything is going to waste just for lack of that one essential — assertion of individuality. Your haughtiness, spirit, etc. are all nonsense, only mockery; you are at best a boarding-school girl, no backbone! no backbone!
Alas! this lifelong leading-string business! This is very harsh, very brutal; but I can't help it. I love you, Mary, sincerely, genuinely; I can't cheat you with namby-pamby sugar candies. Nor do they ever come to me.
Then again, I am a dying man; I have no time to fool in. Wake up, girl. I expect now from you letters of the right slashing order; give it right straight; I need at good deal of rousing.
I did not hear anything of the MacVeaghs when they were here. I have not had any direct message from Mrs. Bull or Niveditâ, but I hear regularly from Mrs. Sevier, and they are all in Norway as guests of Mrs. Bull.
I don't know when Nivedita comes to India or if she ever comes back.
I am in a sense a retired man; I don't keep much note of what is going on about the Movement; then the Movement is getting bigger, and it is impossible for one man to know all about it minutely.
I now do nothing, except trying to eat and sleep and nurse my body the rest of the time. Good-bye, dear Mary; hope we shall meet again somewhere in this life, but, meeting or no meeting, I remain,
Ever your loving brother,
VIVEKANANDA
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal,
27th August 1901.
Dear Christine,
I am expecting a long, long letter from you; and, like all expectations of mine, [it] will not be realized, I fear.
Well, I need not bother you with the usual string of questions: How are you? What are you doing all this summer, etc. I am sure the Mother will [do] so much as to keep you in good health at least.
Now, Christina, for many reasons this letter happens to be short, very. It is written with the special purpose that as soon as you get this, send me your latest photograph.
Did you write to Miss [Sarah Ellen] Waldo about the publication of the books? I get no news and, what is more important, no money (that is between you and me) from the sale.
Did you have any news of Margot [Sister Nivedita], of Mrs. [Ole] Bull etc.? And are you happy? I sometimes feel I am, other times it is clouded. Well, it is all the body, after all--material. Goodbye.
Yours with love and blessings,
Vivekananda.
PS--Do send the photo as soon as possible.
V.
To M.N. Banerji
The Math, Belur
Howrah
29th August, 1901
Blessed and Beloved,
I am getting better, though still very weak. . . . The present disturbance is simply nervous. Anyhow I am getting better every day.
I am so much beholden to mother 15 for her kind proposal, only I am told by everybody in the Math that Nilambar Babu's place and the whole of the village of Belur at that becomes very malarious this month and the next. Then the rent is so extravagant. I would therefore advise mother to take a little house in Calcutta if she decides to come. I may in all probability go and live there, as it is not good for me to catch malaria over and above the present prostration. I have not asked the opinion of Saradananda or Brahmananda yet. Both are in Calcutta. Calcutta is healthier these two months and very much less expensive.
After all, let her do as she is guided by the Lord. We can only suggest and may be entirely wrong.If she selects Nilambar's house for residence, do first arrange the rent etc. beforehand. "Mother" knows best. That is all I know too.
With all love and blessings,
Ever yours in the Lord,
Vivekananda
To Sister Christine
THE MATH, BELUR,
DIST. HOWRAH, BENGAL,
2nd September 1901.
MY DEAR CHRISTINE,
I have been looking at one of your old photos — the only one you sent four or five years ago; and then I remember how changed and reduced you looked last summer; and it came to me that you must be awfully thin now, as it seems very hard for you to get rid of anxieties. This is simply foolish. Things will, of course, take their shape. We only make ourselves miserable by moping. It is very hard to manipulate one's philosophy to contribute to one's daily need. So it is with you, as with me. But it is easiest to take the teacher's chair and read a lecture. And that has been my life's business!! Indeed, that is the reason why there are more disciples up to the mark than teachers. The upshot of all this is that you must create a huge appetite, then gorge, then sleep and grow fat, fat, fat. Plump is the English word, is it not?
As for me, I am very happy. Of course, Bengal brings the asthma now and then, but it is getting tame, and the terrible things — Bright's disease and diabetes — have disappeared altogether. Life in any dry climate will stop the asthma completely, I am sure. I get reduced, of course, during a fit, but then it takes me no time to lay on a few layers of fat. I have a lot of cows, goats, a few sheep, dogs, geese, ducks, one tame gazelle, and very soon I am going to have some milk buffaloes. These are not your American bison, but huge things — hairless, half-aquatic in habits, and [that] give an enormous quantity of very rich milk.
Within the last few months, I got two fits [of asthma] by going to two of the dampest hill stations in Bengal — Shillong and Darjeeling. I am not going to try the Bengalee mountains any more.
Mrs. Bull and Nivedita are in Norway. I don't know when they [will] come over to India. Miss MacLeod is in Japan. I have not heard from her [for] a long while. They all are expected here in November, and will have a "hot time in this old town" etc. I pray you can come, and the Mother will open the door for it. I cannot but say my prayers mostly have been heard, up to date.
Well now, Christina, send me one of your latest photos next mail, will you? I want to see how much of fat you have accumulated in one year.
Anyhow, I will have to go to America with Mrs. Bull, I am sure. [Excision] By the by, excusez-moi, our Calcutta is never so hot as your Detroit or New York, with its added advantage — we are not required by our society to wear many things. The old Greeks used to think that wearing too many clothes and [feeling] shame to show any part of the body a peculiarity of barbarians! So the Hindus think, down to the present day. We are the most scantily clothed people in the whole world. Bless the Lord! How one would live otherwise in our climate!
3rd September —
I left the letter unfinished last night. The foreign English mail starts day after tomorrow. So begin again. The moon is not up yet, but there is a sunless glow upon the river. Our mighty Ganges (She is indeed mighty now, during the rains) is splashing against the walls of the house. Numerous tiny boats are flitting up and down in the dark; they have come to fish for our shads, which come up the river this season.
How I wish you were here to taste our shads — one of the most delicate fish in the world. It is raining outside — pouring. But the moment this downpour ceases, I rain through every pore — it is so hot yet. My whole body is covered by big patches of prickly heat. Thank goodness there are no ladies about! If I had to cover myself in this state of things, I surely would go crazy.
I have also my theme, but I am not despondent. I am sure very soon to pan it out into a beautiful ecstasy [excision]. I am half crazy by nature; then my overtaxed nerves make me outrageous now and then. As a result I don't find anybody who would patiently bear with me! I am trying my best to make myself gentle as a lamb. I hope I shall succeed in some birth. You are so gentle. Sometimes I did frighten you very much, did I not, Christina? I wish I were as gentle as you are. Mother knows which is best.
I would not take any supper tonight, as I ate rather heartily of the aforesaid shad! Then I have to think, think, think on my theme; and some subjects I think best in bed because the whole is made clear to me in dream. Therefore, I am going to bed, and gute Nacht, bon soir, etc., etc. No, no, it is now about 10 a.m. in Detroit. Therefore, a very happy day to you. May all good realities reach you today while I am expecting dreams.
Ever yours with love and blessings,
VIVEKANANDA.
To M.N. Banerji
The Math, Belur
Howrah Dist.,
7th September, 1901
Blessed and Beloved,
I had to consult Brahmananda and others, and they were everyone in Calcutta, hence the delay in replying to your last.
The idea of taking a house for a whole year must be worked out with deliberation. As on the one hand there is some risk of catching malaria in Belur this month, in Calcutta on the other hand there is the danger of plague. Then again one is sure to avoid fever if one takes good care not to go into the interior of this village, the immediate bank of the river being entirely free from fever. Plague has not come to the river yet, and all the available places in this village are filled with Marwaris during the plague season.
Then again you ought to mention the maximum rent you can pay, and we seek the house accordingly. The quarter in the city is another suggestion. For myself, I have almost become a foreigner to Calcutta. But others will soon find a house after your mind. The sooner you decide these two points: (1) Whether mother stays at Belur or Calcutta, (2) If Calcutta, what rent and quarter, the better, as it can be done in a trice after receiving your reply.
Yours with love and blessings,
Vivekananda
PS. We are all right here. Moti has returned after his week's stay in Calcutta. It is raining here day and night last three days. Two of our cows have calved.
To Sister Nivedita
THE MATH, BELUR,
7th Sept., 1901.
DEAR NIVEDITA,
We all work by bits, that is to say, in this cause. I try to keep down the spring, but something or other happens, and the spring goes whirr, and there you are — thinking, remembering, scribbling, scrawling, and all that!
Well, about the rains — they have come down now in right earnest, and it is a deluge, pouring, pouring, pouring night and day. The river is rising, flooding the banks; the ponds and tanks have overflowed. I have just now returned from lending a hand in cutting a deep drain to take off the water from the Math grounds. The rain-water stands at places some feet high. My huge stork is full of glee, and so are the ducks and geese. My tame antelope fled from the Math and gave us some days of anxiety in finding him out. One of my ducks unfortunately died yesterday. She had been gasping for breath more than a week. One of my waggish old monks says, "Sir, it is no use living in this Kali-Yuga when ducks catch cold from damp and rain, and frogs sneeze!"
One of the geese had her plumes falling off. Knowing no other method, I left her some minutes in a tub of water mixed with mild carbolic, so that it might either kill or heal; and she is all right now.
Yours etc.,
VIVEKANANDA.
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal,
25th September 1901.
Dear Christine,
I could not write you last mail, excusez [excuse]. But I have been expecting one from you for a long time. Hope one will come this mail.
I am just thinking of going over to Japan, as Miss [Josephine] MacLeod is so insistent. Perhaps something will be done; who knows?
From Japan, of course, a peep into America seems inevitable.
Not much news of Mrs. [Ole] Bull or Margot [Sister Nivedita]. Margot is rested, well, and strong. She will come to India some day, perhaps. I am soon expecting Mrs. [Charlotte] Sevier though. Her work is needing her. Her beautiful home in the Himalayan forests is a temptation, especially now when a huge tiger is roaming in her compound and killed a horse, a buffalo, and her pair of mastiffs in broad daylight; a number of bears [are] playing havoc with her vegetable garden; and lots of porcupines [are] doing mischief everywhere!!! She went out of the way to buy land in a forest--she and her husband liked it so much.
There is not much to write this week. Words only tire one, except one which is inexhaustible, infinite.
So, goodbye till next week.
Ever with love and blessings,
Vivekananda.
PS--Just now comes a telegram from Miss MacLeod and a letter also. She is so insistent that I am thinking of going over to Japan. In that case, we cross over to America this winter, and thence to England.
Yours,
V.
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal,
8th October 1901.
Dear Christina,
Yours of September 9 came to hand yesterday. I congratulate you on your successful visit to the Huron Lake; a few more of them (according to your letter) will force you to sympathize with our condition--oh, the gasping and the melting and the puffing and all the rest of them!
However, nothing in the world like a plump, ripe fruit.
I had to give up my trip to Japan: firstly, because I am not in a working trim yet; secondly, [I] don't much care to make such a long voyage (one month) alone; thirdly, what am I to talk to them, I wonder.
Our heat too has been fierce and is continuing unusually long this year. I am blacker than a Negro by this time.
The California work is progressing famously. They want one or two men more. I would send, if I could, but I have not any more spare men. Poor Turiyananda is suffering from malaria yet, and is awfully overworked.
Do you know whether they published my Jnana-Yoga or not? I got a copy of a second edition of Karma-Yoga only.
I am bobbing up and down in the current of life. Today it is rather down, so I finish the letter here.
Yours with all love and blessings,
Vivekananda.
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal,
14th October 1901.
My dear Christina,
Just now came a letter from Mrs. Bull, but none from you, as I expected one this mail.
Mrs. Bull writes, "I wrote Christina recently to ask her if she were to be free in case the opportunity opened for her to go to the East. I send you her reply".
I went through several times your letter to Mrs. Bull. It surely was horrible; and you have been all this time hiding the real state of affairs from me and posing great cheerfulness!!
You will be a precious fool to lose the opportunity if such comes and is offered by Mrs. Bull. You will only have to take a year's leave. The rest will all be arranged by Mrs. Bull, including, I am sure, all your anxiety for those you will have to leave behind in Detroit.
You have been good, too good to be human, and you are so, still. But it is no use making oneself unnecessarily miserable. "Mother's will", surely, if the chance comes; and it has got to come, I know.
I would not write you about my health; for after all this hide and seek, even though it was for my good, I think you have not much of a right to know the truth about my health.
But to some things you have eternal rights, and amongst others, to my eternal love and blessings,
Vivekananda.
To Josephine MacLeod
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH,
8th November, 1901.
MY DEAR JOE,
By this time you must have received the letter explaining the word abatement. I did not write the letter nor send the wire. I was too ill at the time to do either. I have been ever since my trip to East Bengal almost bedridden. Now I am worse than ever with the additional disadvantage of impaired eyesight. I would not write these things, but some people require details, it seems.
Well, I am so glad that you are coming over with your Japanese friends — they will have every attention in my power. I will most possibly be in Madras. I have been thinking of leaving Calcutta next week and working my way gradually to the South.
I do not know whether it will be possible to see the Orissan temples in company with your Japanese friends. I do not know whether I shall be allowed inside myself — owing to my eating "Mlechchha" food. Lord Curzon was not allowed inside.
However, your friends are welcome to what I can do always. Miss Müller is in Calcutta. Of course she has not visited us.
Yours with all love,
VIVEKANANDA
To Sister Christine
The Math, P.O. Belur, Howrah,
12th November 1901.
Dear Christina,
The morning's mail brought me a photograph from Detroit. I thank the sender very much for promptness. Well, I liked it much. But the old one is the profile view; this, the front. Then again, the phenomenal fat seems to be only imaginary on somebody's part. In a way, I am more used to the old one, and, as such, I cannot slight an old friend. So let me say both are good. The one is an evolution of the other--for the better. I expected a line but it has not arrived yet; [it] may tomorrow. We have a proverb here: "One river is equal to forty miles". There is only a river between Calcutta and our Math, and yet such a round-about way for the mail. Sometimes it comes dribbling for days.
Mrs. [Ole] Bull and Nivedita must have started for the U.S. by this time. Nivedita is sure to see you in Detroit. Mrs. Bull is anxious to induce you to join her Indian party via Japan. If you can take leave for some months, do come. Mother will arrange anyhow; I need not trouble myself.
Mrs. Sevier has started already, it seems--alone.
We had grand Pujas (worships) here in our Math this year. The biggest of our Pujas is the Mother worship, lasting nearly four days and nights. We brought a clay image of Mother with ten hands, standing with one foot on a lion, the other on a demon. Her two daughters--the Goddess of Wealth and the Goddess of Learning and Music--on either side on lotuses; beneath, her two sons--the God of War and that of Wisdom.
Thousands of people were entertained, but I could not see the Puja, alas! I was down with high fever all the time. Day before yesterday, however, came the Puja of Kali. We had an image, too, and sacrificed a goat and burned a lot of fireworks. This night every Hindu home is illuminated, and the boys go crazy over fireworks. There are, of course, several cases of severe burns in the hospitals. We had less fireworks but more Puja, recitation of Mantras, offering of flowers, food and songs. It lasted only one night.
I am expected to leave Calcutta and Bengal in a few days, as this country becomes very malarious this month, after the rains. It is pleasant and cool now, and the north Himalayan wind is blowing.
We have fenced in a lot of our grounds to protect our vegetables from our cows and goats and sheep. The other day one of my [a portion excised] . . . but the mother was either so wicked or [a portion excised] . . . that she would not look at her young. I tried to keep them alive on cow's milk, but the poor things died in the night! Two of my ducks are sitting on their eggs. As this is their first time, and the male does not help them a bit, I am trying my best to keep up their strength by good feeding. We cannot keep chickens here--they are forbidden to us.
With all love,
Vivekananda.
To Sister Nivedita
THE MATH,
P.O. BELUR, HOWRAH,
12th November 1901.
MY DEAR MARGO [MARGOT],
Since the Durgâ Pujâ I have been very ill, and so could not reply to your letter earlier.
We had a grand Puja here of Durga, lasting nearly four days; but, alas, I was down with fever all the time.
We had a grand image, and a huge Puja it was. Then we had the Lakshmi Puja following close, and then night before yesterday, we had the Kali Puja. It is always after midnight — this Puja. I am better now, and we will find a house for you as soon as you come.
I am so glad you are accompanying Mrs. [Ole] Bull. She requires all care; and she always thinks of herself the last. Joe [Miss Josephine MacLeod] is coming to India shortly — at Christmas time with some Japanese friends. I am expected to meet her in Madras.
I am going off to the N.W.P. [North-Western Provinces] etc. soon, as Bengal is malarious — now that the rains are over.
Mrs. Bull has been a mother to us all, and any time and service spent for her is as nothing to what she has been doing for us all. Remain with her as long as she wants you — the work can wait well; "Mother" sees to her work. We needn't be anxious.
By the by, Miss [Henrietta] Müller is here in Calcutta. She wrote a letter to Akhandananda, with whom she has been in regular correspondence — care of the Math. So I sent some flowers and fruits and a letter of welcome to her hotel. I have not had a reply yet.
Mrs. [Charlotte] Sevier, I expect, has already started. Swarupananda had his heart weakened by the constant uphill and downhill. He is here and improving.
Things are going on well with us, slowly but surely. The boys of late have been very active, and it is work only that tells and nothing else.
Yours with all love and blessings,
VIVEKANANDA.
To Sister Christine
The Math, P.O. Belur, Howrah,
25th November 1901.
Dear Christine,
It seems your bottle of nerve tonic did not do you much good, your assurances to the contrary. It must have been a curious error. I must have been down with fever or asthma or something else at that time. Still a thousand, thousand pardons. This was my first, and it will be my last, offence. Your letter that went to Miss [Josephine] MacLeod has not come back yet. Perhaps Miss MacLeod is bringing the letter with her, as she is coming over to India from Japan herself, accompanied by her Japanese converts (male, of course, as she is a lady missionary).
Well, well, I so wish things would so arrange themselves that I could see you once more. Mother knows. By the by, my right eye is failing me badly. I see very little with that one. It will be hard for me for some time either to read or write; and as it is getting worse every day, my people are urging me to go to Calcutta and consult a doctor. I will go soon, as soon as I recover from a bad cold I have on.
I am so glad you were so taken by Abhedananda; only I thought one Hindu was good for a lifetime.
Poor Miss Joe [Miss Josephine MacLeod]--so she remains ignorant as to the real cause of my not going over to Japan! You need not be the least anxious--there is no harm done; and if there were, Joe and especially Mrs. [Ole] Bull make it their life's duty to befriend those I love.
I will try your tonic when it arrives; and the gift, I pray, will even be followed by the giver, for surely a [words excised] . . . is more stimulating and healing than dead drugs.
With all love,
Vivekananda.
To Sister Christine
The Math, P.O. Belur, Howrah,
27th November 1901.
Dear Christine,
It is almost sure, I did not write any letter to you that week in which [I] made that infamous blunder. As I wrote you two letters a few days previously, it is not at all probable that I wrote you another. Then Miss [Josephine] MacLeod [would have] sent the letter back. I must have written only one letter that week to Miss MacLeod, giving her my reasons for not going to Japan; and somehow it so happened that the hand wrote the most familiar name on the envelope. So you need not expect any letter of yours back from Japan, as there was none; and if there were, you shall have it.
I am just under another spell of catarrh and asthma. Yesterday a cyclone blew over the place, and several trees and a bit of the roof are damaged. It is gloomy yet and cold. You know it is almost impossible to write with the asthma on. So au revoir [good-bye].
Vivekananda.
To Sister Christine
The Math, P.O. Belur, Howrah
12th December 1901
Dear Christine,
Well, then, you wanted to know all about my state of health, and you insist. You shall have it.
You know, the last three years I have been getting albuminuria now and then. It is not constant, nor is it yet of any organic character. The kidneys are structurally all right. Only they throw out albumen now and then.
This is worse than throwing out sugar in diabetes. Albumen poisons the blood, attacks the heart and does all sorts of mischief. Catching cold always increases it. This time it has caused a small blood vessel in the right eye to burst, so that I scarcely see with that eye.
Then the circulation has become very rapid. The doctors have put me to bed; and I am forbidden to eat meat, to walk or even stand up, to read and write.
Already there is some benefit in this lying-down process, as I sleep a lot and have a good appetite and am digesting my meals. Curious, is it not, that inactivity should bring on sleep and appetite? There is no cause to be anxious at all.
Mrs. [Charlotte] Sevier arrived in Calcutta three days ago; and by the last advice from Nivedita, Mrs. Bull and she will start on the 13th December, if they can secure berths, or on the 30th December at least. I pray Mrs. Bull has already invited you and that you have got your year's leave and are coming over, and that you will get this letter in India redirected. If Mother does not fulfil this prayer, sure She will take me across the wayter soon, and [line excised] . . . . The doctor says if I keep to my bed for three months, I will get completely cured.
Now, don't worry. If good days are not coming, we will make them, that is all. Hang it! I must have good days now and, that too, very soon. You know, I always keep my word. Mother must do it, or I throw Her overboard. I am not so submissive as you are.
Our old-school physicians pour in tons of iron and other metals--including gold, silver, pearls, etc.--down our throats. I should be a man of iron by this time; perhaps yours will be the last touch to make my body one of steel.
This is our best season for eating turtles, but they are all black. The green [ones] can only be found in America. Alas! I am prevented from the taste of meat.
Now, noble heart, take courage. Don't mope: you have buffeted [too] many a storm in life, old war horse, to be like a silly boarding-school girl. Things must go all right. I am not going to die or to be ill just now; I am determined to be healthy. You know my grit.
Miss [Josephine] MacLeod sent you your letter. What was it about? Was there anything queer? I am glad she had it. She writes beautifully about you. She has already started, and we will have a jolly good company this winter here in Calcutta.
Mrs. [Ole] Bull, Miss MacLeod, Mrs. Sevier and Nivedita and I will be overjoyed if somebody else will be thrown into the bargain. I can't get any more value, eh? I must stop. Am going to look after my geese and ducks just for five minutes, breaking the doctor's command to lie down all the time. One of the geese is a silly, fearful bird, always despondent and anxious. She likes to be all alone by herself and is miserable--very much like another goose I know in another place.
Here my story ends
And spinach top bends.
Why is spinach withering?
Because the goat is browsing.
Why is the goat browsing?
Because no grass is growing.
Why no grass is growing?
The gardener is not watering.
Why there is no watering?
The Master is not commanding.
Why is he not commanding?
An ant has bitten the Master!
This is a nursery rhyme told after a story, and it is true of us all. It is only an ant bite, after all--the trouble here; is it not?
Ever yours,
Vivekananda.
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal, India,
18th December 1901.
Dear Christine,
I am much better, and the rest is doing me good. I have found out that lying in bed all the time gives me as much sleep as wanted and good digestion too. Albumen and sugar vanish immediately [when] I begin taking rest.
Mrs. Bull and Nivedita start for India from Marseilles today, and unless they change their plan, [they] must be in India before this reaches you--two weeks before.
Herewith I send you four hundred and eighty dollars by cheque drawn on Thomas Cook & Son, Broadway, New York. They have no branch office in Detroit. On receipt of this, you write to Thomas Cook & Son, Broadway, New York, that you have got a cheque from India--mentioning the amount and number--drawn by Thomas Cook & Son on the firm of Thomas Cook & Son, and want to be advised as to how to cash it. Don't send the cheque ahead. (Excuse all these details. I feel you are a baby in business, though I am worse.) This is to pay your "passage to India" 170 if you think fit to accept Mrs. Sevier's invitation. If you get leave and come, I am sure you will find somebody who is coming to England, at least. Then from there, again, somebody who is coming to Egypt. You come with them as far as Italy, thence direct on a boat to India.
Second-class passage across the Atlantic is all right, but the second class from Italy to Bombay is rather bad. There are always a few rough men and fast women. There is money enough for travelling first class all through, if you so like.
The Mother will see to it, even as [She did when] this money came. Drop me a line as soon as you engage your passage--better a week ahead; otherwise I don't see how the letter can reach me. The vessel to India you get from London; and possibly a letter may reach me with the name of the vessel, etc. In any case, however, you wire me as soon as you land and get into a good hotel. You will find many persons to receive you
--and me too, most probably.
In case, however, things take another turn and you cannot come, no matter. Do with the money just as it pleases you.
It is very probable that after Miss [Josephine] MacLeod and Mrs. [Ole] Bull have been through India, they are going home via Japan; and, of course, I am going with them. In that case I will be in California next fall.
It will be a nice trip, and would it not be a fine tour round the world if you get leave and come?
Do just as the Mother opens the way for you, and do not worry.
Yours with all love and blessings,
Vivekananda
To Sister Christine
The Math, Belur,
Dist. Howrah, Bengal, India,
25th December 1901.
A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year is the usual congratulation. Alas! The stars brought you a tremendous blow. (Sister Christine's mother had passed away.) Blessed be the name of the Lord. After all, it is only "Thy will be done"--our only refuge. I will not insult you by offering you onsolation--you know it all already. Only this line to remind you of one who is in entire sympathy with you and who knows that all your plans must be good in joy or sorrow, as you are dedicated to the eternal Mother. Well, the Mother phenomenal has merged in the Mother absolute, eternal. Thy will be done.
By this time you must have made a decision, or, rather, the "Mother" has shown you the way, surely. I rest content.
The soldier of the Queen has gone abroad to fight for Her cause, leaving all he loves to Her care. The soldier is to look to his duty. The Queen of the Universe knows the rest.
With all love as usual,
Vivekananda.
THE MATH, BELUR,
HOWRAH,
BENGAL, INDIA,
1901
DEAR JOE, (Miss Josephine MacLeod.)
I can't even in imagination pay the immense debt of gratitude I owe you. Wherever you are you never forget my welfare; and, there, you are the only one that bears all my burdens, all my brutal outbursts.
Your Japanese friend has been very kind, but my health is so poor that I am rather afraid I have not much time to spare for Japan. I will drag myself through the Bombay Presidency even if only to say, "How do you do?" to all kind friends.
Then two months will be consumed in coming and going, and only one month to stay; that is not much of a chance for work, is it?
So kindly pay the money your Japanese friend has sent for my passage. I shall give it back to you when you come to India in November.
I have had a terrible collapse in Assam from which I am slowly recovering. The Bombay people have waited and waited till they are sick — must see them this time.
If in spite of all this you wish me to come, I shall start the minute you write.
I had a letter from Mrs. Leggett from London asking whether the £300 have reached me safe. They have, and I had written a week or so before to her the acknowledgment, C/o Monroe & Co., Paris, as per her previous instructions.
Her last letter came to me with the envelope ripped up in a most barefaced manner! The post offices in India don't even try to do the opening of my mail decently.
Ever yours with love,
VIVEKANANDA.
|
|
